Another blast from the older page! Enjoy!

Sometimes, you play a game that’s so bad, you hate it. And you wanna rant about it. Some other times, you play a game that’s really bad, but for some reason, you start liking it. Those games have their weird bizarre charm despite their complete lack of quality that you just can’t help but wanting to play them, and enjoy them for some masochist reason. Those are games that deserve the greatest of awards, The Wiseau Awards. To start off, with Rogue One around the corner, let’s talk about this Star Wars gem: Masters of Teras Kasi

This game was supposed to be a dream coming true. The first full fledged Star Wars fighting game. It shouldn’t be that difficult: Star Wars is a franchise with such a wide variety of characters from all types of races, styles, sizes, weapon choices…there’s no way whatsoever that LucasArts would screw the unscrewable up, right?

Right?

Riiiiiiiiight?


Yup, they put an exclamation mark after Leia’s name. And yeah, she’s wielding a Darth Maul lightsaber TWO YEARS before Episode I. Damn nerds….

What we got in the end was Star Wars: Masters of Teras Kasi, a PS1 exclusive 3D fighting game that, for some reason, features the word “Steel Hand”, in Finnish, in the title. Bear in mind that “Tekken” also means “Steel Hand”, but in Japanese. Waaaaaaaay to look original, huh guys?
It features all of your favorite characters: Luke, Leia (twice, by the way), Han, Vader….Arden Lyn (?)…..Jodo Kast (?)……Thok (??)…..HOAR (???????????). Yup, there is a guy named Hoar. And you read it just like “whore”. Nailed the casting guys. Who needs Lando, Palpatine, Obi-Wan or Greedo when we have HOAR?

How’s the gameplay, then? A masterpiece. A true work of art. Teras Kasi should be given out for free for anyone who has ever suffered from any ragequitting frustration after being beaten mercilessly in a fighting game. The game is so, but soooooo unbalanced, it’s a work of art. I’ve managed to beat the entire arcade mode with fan-favorite HOAR just by using the kick button. If you ever feel underpowered in a fighting game, just learn how to do Boba Fett’s ultimate attack (make missiles rain down from the sky, just like Pharrah from Overwatch, pounding his opponent into the dirt like a biatch) and take down nearly three fifths of the opponent’s HP in one go. Or just make Luke throw his lightsaber at your foe and take half of the HP with is unblockable and unavoidable attack. It’s simply beautiful. Makes you feel like you are truly a fighting game champion. Few games can give you such feeling, so kudos to you, Masters of the Universe.

Oh, and by the way, there’s a pig character. And he’s green. And he wields an axe. And he breathes fire. You can’t make that stuff up. Brilliant.


Intergalactic kung-fu

There’s not much else to say about this besides the fact that, despite being the worst mash-up of Tekken, Virtua Fighter and Soul Calibur you can possibly imagine, despite having the most unresponsive controls ever conceived in a 3D fighting game, despite the bad sound effects (the music is nice, though, but then again, it’s Star Wars), despite the balancing issues, you can, and I quote, you can have fun with it. Maybe it’s the fact it’s a Star Wars game. Maybe it’s the 90s PS1 nostalgia factor. Maybe it’s the fact it is actually so bad it’s good.

Nah, who am I kidding, it’s because we can fight as HOAR. Tenattaten.


That was my favorite part of the original trilogy

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